Here’s the thing. From a female’s perspective, male grooming tends to come in wild extremes. There’s the guy who uses a dried-out bar of soap on his face every few days (or at least on special occasions, anyway). And then there’s the guy who forces you to keep a padlock on your bathroom cabinet to stop him pinching your expensive moisturiser (“Yes, it really is £115 for that pot and oh my god you have a £30-worth dollop in your hands right now”).

We can’t decide which one is more annoying, but what we do know is that the preener is on the rise. Men are spending more time and money on grooming than ever before, with the industry set to hit $60.7bn (£44.8bn) by 2020, according to Euromonitor.

Groom too much and we get bathroom angst. Groom too little and we complain that you smell like a post-match changing room. To avoid getting up your other half’s nose (in every sense), these are the grooming habits that irk women the most and how to fix them, pronto.

The Reality TV Tan

We’ve all been a failed faker at some point – so trust us, we can spot the signs. Reaching for the bottle isn’t the problem here (according to tanning brand Fake Bake, half of all men do), but verging into satsuma territory and leaving tidemarks on your tees (and our bedsheets) is where we draw the line.

“The best fake tan looks real,” says Jules Von Hep, global tanning director for Tan Luxe. “Self-tan should not make you look like David Dickinson. Nor should it be detectable.”

Orange palms aside (come on guys, use a mitt), one of the biggest giveaways is stubble stainage. “At-home tans are thicker and therefore stick to hair,” says celebrity spray tanner James Harknett, who counts David Gandy as one of his clients. “To avoid this, put a small amount of Vaseline on the hair before applying the tan, then brush away any residue with a beard brush after.”