First thing’s first: disagreements are normal, not arguing at all is more of a red flag. Don’t freak out. If this is your first-ever fight as a couple, it’s easy to spiral into panic mode and make some regrettable moves out of sheer panic. When in fact, arguments can actually strengthen your relationship if you know how to handle the aftermath. You can get more of an insight into their character, values, love language, and what they truly want out of your relationship – which are all valuable qualities in a healthy relationship. View every argument as an opportunity to grow, not as a setback.

The heat of the moment can cause things to surface that usually wouldn’t day to day and reveal things that may not have been brought up naturally. It’s vital that you create a safe space for each other afterward to talk about what went down, so we speak to the experts to find out exactly how you can do this to take your relationship from strength to strength.

Take a Deep Breath

It can take some time for your system to exit fight mode, especially if things got heated. Arguments can become ugly when you’re emotionally invested. “Consider going for a walk – sometimes it takes a while to understand what happened before you are able to talk about it,” says Rebecca Hendrix, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

“Tell your partner that you know you need to talk things through, but you need a breather to get clear on what you want to say.” Once you feel calmer, you can begin to process your perspective on what happened. But don’t forget to vocalize that you’ll be back to discuss the disagreement, the worst thing you could do is to leave your partner wondering whether you’ll return or not.

A simple “I love you (or I care about you depending on where you are in your relationship), and we’ll work this out together, but I need some time to gather my thoughts” will go a long way. Letting her know how much you love (or care) about her and that you’re confident you can move past your argument will also help her gain perspective on the situation, so when you return, you’re more likely to be on the same page.