2. Just People

Many men feel flustered about speaking with female party guests with whom they aren’t already acquainted. We’ve already covered one of the reasons—the assumption that there’s a fixed script to be followed. Another big cause of approach anxiety and shyness is that guys make too much of these women.

They aren’t better than you. They aren’t some sort of magical creatures or goddesses. They’re human beings, just like you, and they might just be shy or insecure, too. Once you think of it in this light, approaching a lady or group of ladies becomes far less intimidating.

3. Observe and Listen

“True wisdom listens more, talks less and can get along with all types of people.” – Kiana Tom 

A large part of a guy’s lack of success with the opposite sex at a party can often be attributed to his inattention to what is happening around him. In fact, many guys who are painfully shy will often be so focused on themselves and what others are thinking about them, they forget to notice what other people are doing or saying.

A great way to start a conversation is to observe a detail about a woman’s behavior or something going on in the vicinity. Then comment upon it to her. The next step seems simple, but is all too often forgotten.

Listen to what she says in response. If she’s interested in engaging with you, her response will be more complex, and will give you the material you need to make your next comment. This is the most foundational concept in effective communication with anyone—men, women, or children. Shy guys often focus on a woman’s femaleness.

It’s a mental concept that has assumed some unnatural importance. Because they fixate on this aspect of the person they’re attempting to converse with, they forget all about actually communicating.

4. Personal Agency

“A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.” – Brendan Francis