So your friends are competitive. That’s good, right? They’re pushing you to be a better you! But when is the competitive nature of your group crossing the line?

During my junior year of college, the unofficial “I have to be the best!” mantra of my group became extremely tiring. It felt like we were competing on grades, fitness, relationships, work, and everything else under the sun.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good healthy rivalry. I’m the one on the intramural volleyball court who’s red-faced, hot-tempered, and flipping out when the other team scores on us while the rest of my team brushes it off nonchalantly with words of encouragement: “That was a good serve Melanie! We’ll get them next time!” Since I grew up playing sports all my life, losing can make my blood boil.

But that’s volleyball. Your life (especially with your friends) shouldn’t be about keeping score.

With the new year upon us, now is a good time to make a goal to change the behavior of your group from one that’s competitive to one that’s supportive. Isn’t that what friends are supposed to be for?

{RELATED POST: How to Deal with Friendship Changes in College}

Here is a three-step plan to deal with competitive friends and stop the competitive culture in your friend group:

Table of Contents

Begin with Improving Yourself

Don’t be so quick to blame your friends for the intense dynamic of the group. Ask yourself: Are you contributing to this culture?

Maybe instead of congratulating your best friend on the scholarship she received, you pointed out how she wouldn’t have got it without your help. Or maybe you made a snide remark when the couple in your group brought up their relationship.

These are your peers and it’s only human nature to compare yourself with others you perceive are similar to you. However, it’s important that you notice when you’re not being a supportive friend and letting competitiveness shine through in your interactions.