Nobody likes to flake on a date, but sometimes life just gets too crazy and you have to raincheck. You might be forced to work back late at work or have a family issue that requires your attention. Or maybe you just can’t be bothered. It is ok to not want to go on a date because you aren’t feeling it or have had a tough day. We have all been there. But canceling isn’t always that easy, especially if you have both been looking forward to the date. How to cancel a date without being a jerk requires you to be as respectful as possible. There are many ways you can go about putting an end to an upcoming date that doesn’t involve you being a dick. 

Talking with Bustle, licensed marriage and family therapist, David Strah, explains his first question posed to clients is whether they understand the reason for canceling the date. “Is it because something simply came up, or is it because you don’t think the person is right for you? Regardless, my general rule of thumb when canceling a date with someone is the Golden Rule–treat someone as you would like them to treat you.” 

It is hard to argue with Strah’s advice. You want to let someone down in a manner that isn’t going to offend them or make them feel bad about themselves. Strah also stresses three things that you should do when canceling: “be gracious, be clear about your intentions, and wish them well.” Seems only fair. 

Date Canceling Etiquette

There are a few things you need to take into account before you fire off your text message telling your date you are no longer keen. Standing your date up is a big no-no, as is letting them know an hour before you are meant to meet. This shows a lack of care and consideration on your part. You can still bail on them by being kind and respectful. Here are a few things to keep in mind.