The Good Guy

He did amazingly at school, he got into a great university, his girlfriends are always beautiful and kind, everyone’s mum is totally charmed by him, he doesn’t eat meat for ethical reasons, he runs marathons and smashes his Just Giving goal within the first hour. He is, in short, the person you secretly hate most in the entire world, and you wish him a lifetime of anguish. As it is, he will live very contentedly until he’s 130, and then he’ll die in his sleep having a really lovely dream.

The Stressed One

There’s always one friend in any group of guys who is so tightly wound that if someone sneezed at the wrong moment, he’d either burst into tears or go on a killing spree. If you can’t think who that person is in your group, and you hate the not knowing, and it’s starting to gnaw you up inside, because you need to know, you just. Need. To. Know. You might want to connect the dots.

(Related: 7 Tips To Help Reduce Your Stress Levels)

The Loved-Up One

AKA the one you barely ever see, because he’s in a field of buttercups somewhere reading beautiful poetry to his other half. Or he’s in the shower with them unnecessarily licking every part of their body (despite, you know, being in a shower), or he’s watching them sleep, or he’s trapped in an endless round of “no you hang up” that’s been going on for nearly five years. But don’t worry, they’ll break up eventually, and he’ll return to the fold for a couple of weeks, before falling massively in love again.