We’ve all ended up back with an ex at some point in our lives but more often than not, things are harder than we thought, and we call it quits once again. But the hard truth is that many couples that get back together check out too early before any real reconciliation happens. You’ve missed each other so much that the first few weeks, or months, are the most fun you’ve had together, and you forget all about why you broke up in the first place.

Then, suddenly, you begin to bicker again, problems that you had before begin to resurface, and you start to remember why it didn’t work the first time around. Next thing you know, you’re total strangers again. This is because there are actually strategic ways to successfully get back with an ex that don’t involve just going with the flow.

Things won’t be easy, but if you truly love your other half, the hard work is worth it, and if you stick around a little longer, you’re sure to see why. Lee Wilson, Life and Relationship Coach at myexbackcoach.com, shares his advice on how to make it work with an ex the second time around, and it isn’t for the faint-hearted.

Move Slowly in Terms of Getting Back to How Things Were

It’s easy to slip back into old habits, especially if you’ve been together for years, but these old habits didn’t positively serve your last relationship and if you want to avoid breaking up again, focus on rebuilding new habits. “There should be some reservation and regrowth so that you don’t simply go back to the same problems that caused the breakup,” says Wilson.

He explains that although it’s tempting to instantly go back to the relationship that you had in terms of its label, sleeping over, constant “I love you’s” and as though the breakup didn’t happen (no one wants to remember a painful breakup), slow and steady progress is the best way to go.