The late-night takeaway is as much a drunken tradition as texts to an ex. But of course, if you eat crap, you feel crap. However health-conscious you consider yourself during daylight hours, chances are your preferred post-session snack is only compounding your hangover. Shona Wilkinson, a nutritionist at SuperfoodUK, has helped us rank the 10 most popular dirty dinners – from bad to, well, very bad – while finding out what happens to our insides when we give in to grease cravings. Spoiler: just like your sent messages, it isn’t pretty.

10. Chicken Kebab

Chicken is a tricky meat, especially when it’s been festering on an open rotisserie for three days. If willing to take the plunge (let’s face it, you’re eight pints in, of course you are) and the takeaway doesn’t look too dodgy, a Turkish chicken kebab will pay dividends hangover-wise. “There’s a great amount of protein here without the carb overload,” explains Wilkinson. “That’ll reduce your blood sugar swings and cravings for fatty or sugary foods the next day. Plus, it’s likely to have fewer calories.”

9. Lamb Curry

Providing you’ve admitted defeat at a reasonable hour, a still-open curry house can be a blessing in disguise, and not just for a grumbling stomach. “Similarly, there are lots of protein here, plus some naturally-occurring fats from the meat, which is always preferable. These will both help balance blood sugar. Just go easy on the rice and naan bread.”

8. Greggs Steak Bake

For a lucky few up in the Midlands and North of England, late night Greggs isn’t a mythical unicorn, but a sweet, sweet reality. Those blessed enough to have enjoyed a night out in these areas are likely to have sought sanctuary at this most hallowed of eateries. International readers, you’ll have to take our word for it. “Surprisingly, not too bad a drunken indulgence, considering the stigma,” says Wilkinson. “A Steak Bake contains around 400 calories, which is fairly modest. Plus, you’re getting a good balance – protein to help balance blood sugar and a few carbohydrates.”