Black Badge

We can’t imagine wanting more than a Rolls Royce. Indeed, we’re not sure there is more than a Rolls Royce. However, Rolls has recognised that some of its customers might want their Phantom or Ghost with a bit more ‘spirit’. Ahem. So it’s launched its own tuning series. The Black Badge cars aren’t punched up by a third party – the double-R’s engineers handle that job – but they are truly bespoke. For your extra cash you get a murdered-out exterior, called Spirit of Ecstasy, and a boatload more power poured under the bonnet. The interior also enjoys an overhaul, thanks to technical fabrics and even a bespoke dashboard clock. It’s the most tasteful way to be incredibly tasteless. Consider the Black Badge models to be the dark angels of the Rolls Royce range. rolls-roycemotorcars.com

Alpina

A little different to the other tuners mentioned here, Alpina actually produces its cars in BMW’s factories, and the German government considers it a car maker, rather than a tuner. We don’t care about that. What we care about is Alpina’s mantra, which is something along the lines of ‘very fast, very luxurious’. On the surface, Alpina’s tweaks seem less ostentatious than those of most tuners. But what you miss in drug dealer colourways and bodykits is more than made up for in performance; the B5 Bi-Turbo Edition 50, for example, is the fastest 5 Series you can buy. And with a top speed of 205mph, it will leave a Ferrari at the lights. Which makes the unassuming exterior even more impressive. alpina-automobiles.co.uk

Rinspeed

Though all tuners are different, most have a similar MO: make it prettier, make it faster. Swiss brand Rinspeed is a little different. Every year it turns up at the Geneva Motor Show with a concept car that does something insane. Take, for example, 2008’s sQuba; it’s all-electric, has zero emissions, and can hit 75mph. Oh, and it converts into a submarine. Naturally. In fact, Rinspeed has a bit of a thing for amphibious vehicles: the Splash, which debuted four years earlier, comes with a hydrofoil, should you fancy outflanking the traffic with a commute down the river. It’s also designed cars that steer themselves, which can change shape depending on how many passengers are inside, and even a vehicle that measures your biometric data then provides calming or stimulating music and scents to keep you in peak driving condition. Beats a pine-scented air freshener, any day. rinspeed.eu