You learn a lot when you assume responsibility for the wellbeing of a tiny human. The true meaning of sacrifice. Every available make and permutation of baby travel system. The names of all six members of PAW Patrol. (Seven if you count Everest.)

Fathering a child will inevitably cramp your style to some extent, metaphorically if not literally. And while recent trends like tucked-in T-shirts, pleated trousers and ugly running shoes may have rehabilitated ‘dad fashion’, albeit ironically, you can’t wear any of them because you are actually a dad. Leave irony to the cool kids and stick to bad puns.

Below are 10 more sartorial truths that coming back from the hospital with an occupied car seat really brings home.

Less Is Less Hassle

Despite being smaller than your gloves, babies’ clothes take up a lot of room. I was forced to perform a more ruthless edit than a Game of Thrones scriptwriter, as out went my double Ikea Pax (two-Pax?) wardrobe and Malm chest of six drawers. In came a single Stuva combination wardrobe with four drawers barely deep enough to hold one folded adult T-shirt. Anything thicker has to go in one of the drawers under the Brimnes (bed).

And you know what? I didn’t mind, because the streamlining was long overdue. I realised that I didn’t wear the vast majority of my old clothes. Having decluttered like Marie Kondo on crack, I can see the few pieces that I live in, and re-up on those.

Having a kid focuses you on what’s really important – in life and in your rotation.

Time Waits For No Metrosexual

Babies typically operate on three-hour cycles of eating, sleeping and crapping. And that stuff takes the best part of three hours. So if you want to go anywhere or do anything before the next cycle, you have a minuscule window in which to get ready or be trapped.

Where my morning ablutions were once American Psycho-esque in their sybaritism, I now shower so quickly that I don’t even get wet. And thinking about what to wear is another luxury off-limits to sleep-deprived, decision-fatigued new dads. You need to be able to get dressed in the dark, and faster than the Flash’s fibre-optic. Polo shirts, which are vaguely smart but don’t require ironing, become suddenly, incredibly appealing.