For the average hirsute, image-conscious man, there are no three words in the English language more likely to prompt a gulp of foreboding than … ‘male pattern baldness’. A lexical trio so follicularly frightening that some men (Jude Law, we’re looking at you) feel the best course of action is to ignore it entirely.

But why should we? What’s so terrible about having a baldy bonce anyway? Well, nothing. In fact, studies have consistently found smooth-headed blokes to outperform their hairy cohorts when ranked in terms of perceived alpha male traits like manliness, dominance and power. In fact, many men attach a stigma to baldness that actually only exists in their own unconvincingly comb-overed heads.

Yes, being completely bald may mean you’re never able to wear your faux fur-trimmed parka zipped right up to your chin again without looking like a hard-boiled egg emerging from the rear end of a German shepherd (the dog breed, we hasten to add). But if that’s the only drawback then what’s all the fuss about?

In order to answer that question and all the rest of them, we’ve delved bald-headlong into the subject of male pattern baldness to equip you with everything you need to know before embarking on your own fuzz-free journey into the great hairless yonder.

Why Is This Happening?

For young men in particular, the realisation that you’re losing your beloved locks can feel like God is singling you out and punishing you for a crime you may or may not have committed. In reality, there is something far less holy, yet every bit as uncontrollable, at play.

Male hair loss, premature or otherwise, is not caused by the judging hand of an omnipotent deity but by genetics and a chemical imbalance of a hormone called DHT (or dihydrotestosterone for syllable fans).

DHT is a chemical derivative of testosterone, created when the androgen gets mixed with an enzyme called 5-alpha-reductase, causing some complicated science stuff to happen involving lots of numbers and letters… but let’s not get bogged down in that. The thing we’re really interested in is what DHT actually does.