How Skinny Is Skinny?

The best litmus test for finding out whether or not a pair of jeans is for you is to try them on. But if you’ve been a bootcut man until now, you may also find this primer on fits of use when delving into a whole new world of denim.

• Slim. Narrower than straight-leg jeans, but with room for your junk to breathe. Slim jeans taper slightly from the thigh all the way down to the cuff.
• Skinny. Tight, throughout. How tight? Enough that you should be prepared for hair on the outer sides of your lower legs to stop growing if you wear them daily. Cool enough that they’re worth it, though.
• Muscle. For men who got back (and quads of steel). Often cut from a combination of lightweight cotton and elastane to comfortably contain your gains.
• Carrot. Like its vegetable namesake; broad at the top, gradually narrowing towards the bottom. Not necessarily orange, mind.
• Spray-on. They’re leggings, basically – but with a fly. Imagine wrapping your legs in cling film, but instead of cling film, it’s slightly elasticated cotton.

What To Look Out For

When it comes to assessing the quality of a pair of skinny jeans, there are two key things to consider: comfort, and resistance to wear. The former because you’ll be encasing your testicles in this denim, and the latter because friction is one of the main causes of warped shapes and crotch holes.

If you’re stuck for time, or just simply can’t be bothered with the changing rooms, Topman’s Morgans has a handy trick for testing comfort. “Take one of the jean’s legs and, with one hand on each outside seam, gently pull to see just how much the jean stretches,” she says. That’ll give you an idea of how flexible, and therefore wearable, they are.

“Now, release, and check to see if the out seams return to their default position, or display a slight wobble as a result of being stretched.” This, according to Morgans, is the best way to gauge the jeans’ recovery. “The closer the outseams are to their original position, the less likely you are to see bagginess in the knees and seat after a few wears.”