There are plenty of minimum age limits (drinking, gambling, Quentin Tarantino movies), but bar driving, nowhere near enough maximum ones. It’s alarming, given that letting septuagenarians loose on streetwear can result in an equally horrific car crash of the mutton-dressed-as-lamb variety. Which is why FashionBeans has decided to impose some suggested restrictions on key menswear items.

Not that we’re ageist, mind. In fact, we regularly celebrate the likes of Bill Nighy and Jeff Goldblum as some of the best-dressed around. And of course, these are merely guidelines, to which there are always exceptions. But it’s usually Pharrell, who doesn’t seem to be subject to the same process of organic decay as the rest of us.

The advice is simple: while dressing for your body shape and personal taste is paramount, it’s also stylish to know when you’ve unwittingly past certain buy-by dates. These are they.

Jeans

Under 25: Ripped

Despite it being a popular trend, some would argue that ripped jeans are only ever cool if you’ve earned the holes. One thing that can be agreed on, however, is that like a rock star or skateboarder, they’re only ever cool when you’re young. Even then, understand that your dad will quip: “Can’t you afford to buy new jeans?”

Between 25 And 35: Distressed

By this age, your old man has stopped satirising your style choices and instead started surreptitiously pressing cash into your palm while saying, “If you need anything, let me know.” You’re too old to hang out at the half-pipe, but not so beset by responsibilities that you can’t dedicate half a year to developing some sweet fades on shuttle-loom Japanese selvedge.

Over 35: Plain

Aggressively faded jeans merely advertise that your glories have too, so any wear and tear on your denim should, like that on your face, be kept to a minimum. By this point, you may even have fathered one or more children, depending on just how tight those ripped skinnies were. In which case, good luck trying not to wash your selvedge for six months.