One of Dr. Carle’s clients had just broken up with his fiancé of two years. And “like most people after a breakup, his self-confidence was shaky as he wondered if he’d ever love again. His friends urged him to get out, but his heart wasn’t in it. But at the supermarket one evening, he began talking with a woman who had also just had a breakup. They landed under his sheets, and each felt relieved that they were desirable. Then it was over,” which is exactly how a one-night stand should be. 

You should make each other feel good, emotionally and sexually. Not with heartfelt compliments, as you’ve just met and there’s probably not a lot you know about them, but by saying things that make them feel wanted such as “I love what you’re doing right now” or “you look so sexy.” Stay away from calling her beautiful or saying, “I could get used to this,” even if the sex is good enough to have every night, as she’s more likely to form an attachment and believe it’s more than just a one-night stand.

3. Do switch it up with a one-night stand. You can try new positions and techniques you’ve been wanting to try out without the pressure of trying to impress someone you really like. A one-night stand can help you to relax and unlock bedroom skills you didn’t even know you had. Because she won’t fear hurting your feelings, as a total stranger will hardly dent the ego, she’ll be honest about whether she likes what you’re doing or not. She’s here for a good time not a long time, so she’ll help you to improve your sex moves, even if for her own benefit, and increase your confidence going forward.

4. Do go for it if that person has one or two traits you really like. “Are you one of those people who makes lists of the kinds of qualities you’re seeking in a partner?” asks Dr. Carle. If so, she encourages you to forget your list for one night, all you really need in a one-night stand is a few characteristics that’ll help you to have a good time such as physical attraction and a sense of humor. Having sex with someone for the first time can have its awkward moments as you figure out how to get in sync, you might bump heads or even fall off the bed, and you should pick someone who will laugh at the situation with you and carry on. “Lap up that one or two qualities you appreciate, and enjoy yourself,” she says.