Coming of age in America is a process fraught with societal expectations, role models, and archetypes, but what does it mean to be a man? It isn’t enough to reach the age of consent, because in the case of manhood, it’s not about age, but maturity and a certain indefinable air that each of us crave?

Manliness speaks of an easy social confidence, a strength of spirit, and an unassailable inner structure of values, but how can a young man build this charisma? In the absence of adversity and rights of passage so often associated with strength of character, what can be done to cultivate the enviable image of manliness that seems to draw fortune, love, and all good things to it?

Especially when we are confronted with the barriers of shyness, inexperience, and a fear of rejection; the space that separates us from what we see and what we wish to be can seem wide.

1. Develop Your Sense of Self

The first thing we all need to realize is that there is no single path, no codified way on how to be a more manly man. That said, the second thing we need to do is stop worrying over it.

One important aspect of every ubermasculine, quality male archetype paraded before us by art and film is the abject inattention to others opinions. It’s not an act. They really aren’t thinking about whether that woman across the room notices how awesome they are.

They’re just being awesome. A part of this quality stems directly from the fact that they compete with no one, save themselves. Their goal is excellence in whatever they do; to attain the highest standard of their given pursuit and better yesterday’s best.

You don’t have to be a high-powered businessman or a spy. You can practice this quality in your everyday life — as a student, a barista, a graphic designer, or whatever pursuit fills your days.

Follow what interests you, and work becomes play. Focus your time on becoming skilled at something that you enjoy, not on being seen as a talented person. If feel you’re clumsy, take dancing lessons or enroll in a martial arts class.