When it comes to dating, the pressure is firmly on. It only takes a tenth of a second to form an impression of a stranger, according to Princeton researchers. And that’s before you’ve even opened your mouth.

Once a first impression is made, all you have left are your conversational skills. And this is the hard part. But Harvard researchers have found that the best way to make a good impression is by simply asking a question.

Once you’ve decided what to wear for a first date, one of the difficulties is knowing how serious to get with conversation, or how light to keep things. You don’t want your date to start crying into their spaghetti after opening up about their darkest childhood secrets, but science has given us good reason to delve a little deeper than small talk if you really want to make a lasting impression.

In 1997, an academic paper gave the world 36 questions it promised that would make a person ‘fall in love with anyone’ when asked on a date. In 2015, a New York Times article about the study and the questions – many of which were quite intimate and personal – went viral. The whole idea behind the questions was to create closeness between two people, and for the participants to ‘enjoy getting close’ to each other. A shortcut to romance and intimacy, in other words.

So here are some questions that will really help you get to know someone, whether it’s light-hearted banter on a first date or deep, meaningful conversations about life with your spouse.

Before You Meet

The chances are, you met your potential mate on some app or other. The aim here in the virtual world is to keep the conversation light and flowing – and glean an idea of where to take your date. You want to build excitement and anticipation, not give anyone cold feet.

If possible, come up with some topics of conversation to expand on later in the week when the date rolls around. You’re not going to make anyone fall in love with you here, so leave your 36 questions at the door and keep things relatively simple.