For all intents and purposes, the fact that you are here, reading this, signals that you’re a) not a douchebag and b) on a quest to be the best-dressed version of yourself. Kudos. With this in mind, we’ve shortlisted five of the most offensive items of clothing a would-be stylish man can own – all of which may well be hanging in your wardrobe at this very moment, ready to break out this season. However, we would urge you to remove and banish these monstrosities into sartorial obscurity with immediate effect, should you wish to achieve your goal of being expertly attired.

Swap: Comedy Slogan T-shirts

How are people supposed to know you’re a funny guy if you don’t wear a T-shirt with an obnoxious slogan slapped across it, right? WRONG. Comedy T-shirts are the devil’s work and pulling one on is about as socially corrosive as sharing a wardrobe with your old man. Of course, it’s fine to show some personality through your choice of clothing, perhaps by integrating clever idiosyncratic flourishes into your outfit here and there (think pocket squares, natty ties and lapel pins with tailoring). But when it comes to tees, do yourself a favour and keep it classic in a plain crew neck or something with a subtle print.

For: Plain Or Printed T-Shirts

Key Pieces

• Gap Essential Pocket T-shirt
• Asos Slim Fit T-shirt With Crew Neck
• He By Mango Chest-pocket Soft Egyptian-cotton T-shirt
• Asos T-shirt With Aztec Print In Relaxed Skater Fit
• He By Mango Striped Cotton T-shirt
• He By Mango Floral Print Cotton T-shirt
• Uniqlo Men Packaged Dry Crew Neck Short Sleeve T-shirt
• James Perse V-neck Cotton-jersey T-shirt
• Reiss Ascot Button-down Oxford Shirt Sky Blue
• Ami Slim-fit Cotton Oxford Shirt

Swap: Beaded/Wooden Jewellery

Did you achieve fame in a 1990s boyband or lead the pack in an early 2000s frat boy film franchise? Oh, you didn’t? Then snatch that wooden beaded necklace off right this second, son. If you’re a regular reader, then your wardrobe game is obviously ridiculously tight, so there’s no sense in undermining that by flirting with the kind of jewellery best left to surfer bros and men with ankles tattoos. Instead, if you must adorn yourself, do so with some understated chains, rings and bracelets, such as the ones below. Carefully chosen, a classic design will never date and is an effortless way to add personality to your look.